"He who tries to save his life will lose it.. but he who loses his life for my sake - will find it" - Luke 9:24. What a truly profound truth. For all my life these were only words in a book... just letters in black and white penned thousands of years ago. Just words until my life grinded to a halt and I needed out. My way didn't work anymore and I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost everything. My sanity, my relationships, my job, my home and ultimately my life. It was at that crossroad that Jesus finally opened up my eyes. I needed to die. Not physically but the ego and hubris that was me needed to die. I needed to admit I was wrong and my way didn't work at. Everything I had built was a lie and a waste - and the more I built... the more I weighed myself down with pain and sorrow. Even though it was years ago now I still remember that day like it was yesterday. The day Jesus opened my eyes and showed me the prison I was really in. Dark, ominous walls surrounded me on all sides. Far too high to climb and far to thick to ever escape from using conventional methods.
The walls were made of heavy stones. Old stones. Some far older than me and that had been there for generations. But behind the walls I could hear a whisper... A name being called out. It still gives me that chill like electricity coursing through me just recalling it. What was this name... And why did it sound familiar to me yet I never knew it. It whispered again... "let go... of everything..." Somehow it made sense. Deep, deep inside it resonated with something that had been dormant for so long. Asleep all my life in fact. Yet now it was waking up. Like a heartbeat at first but it grew in rhythm and intensity. "it's time you woke up child..." the voice echoed again. A small, unwavering voice yet it held absolute authority. I could sense He was outside the walls now. He was near. The One. The Son of the Living God. Somehow inside I could just tell. I knew He was outside with His hand up waiting for me to respond. I knew what to do now... It was time. I was done with my way. It was time to wake up. It was time to respond. And so I raised my hand to where I knew His was raised outside the walls and immediately all the stones that made up the walls lit up with ancient text.
Even though the words were beyond my language or any language I'd ever seen on this earth - I knew every single word all at once. Ancient Words. Unholy words. Hatred, Fear, Shame, Addiction, Lust, Greed, Rebellion, Witchcraft. Hundreds of them. Then as I called out His Name the mortar that connected all the stones lit up in brilliant white light with such intensity that can't properly be described. Inside me erupted a fire - an inferno birthed not from this plane - but out of love. A white, hot fire placed there by my Maker. The war drums now pounded to a deafening and thunderous roar yet even as loud as they were I could clearly hear His voice. "Child, you were never meant to live in a cage... Be free... Show them what I can do... show them freedom..." Yes, a truly profound truth indeed. The day I finally learned how to lose everything was the day I finally found who I truly was and what I truly am. I am His.
The walls were made of heavy stones. Old stones. Some far older than me and that had been there for generations. But behind the walls I could hear a whisper... A name being called out. It still gives me that chill like electricity coursing through me just recalling it. What was this name... And why did it sound familiar to me yet I never knew it. It whispered again... "let go... of everything..." Somehow it made sense. Deep, deep inside it resonated with something that had been dormant for so long. Asleep all my life in fact. Yet now it was waking up. Like a heartbeat at first but it grew in rhythm and intensity. "it's time you woke up child..." the voice echoed again. A small, unwavering voice yet it held absolute authority. I could sense He was outside the walls now. He was near. The One. The Son of the Living God. Somehow inside I could just tell. I knew He was outside with His hand up waiting for me to respond. I knew what to do now... It was time. I was done with my way. It was time to wake up. It was time to respond. And so I raised my hand to where I knew His was raised outside the walls and immediately all the stones that made up the walls lit up with ancient text.
Even though the words were beyond my language or any language I'd ever seen on this earth - I knew every single word all at once. Ancient Words. Unholy words. Hatred, Fear, Shame, Addiction, Lust, Greed, Rebellion, Witchcraft. Hundreds of them. Then as I called out His Name the mortar that connected all the stones lit up in brilliant white light with such intensity that can't properly be described. Inside me erupted a fire - an inferno birthed not from this plane - but out of love. A white, hot fire placed there by my Maker. The war drums now pounded to a deafening and thunderous roar yet even as loud as they were I could clearly hear His voice. "Child, you were never meant to live in a cage... Be free... Show them what I can do... show them freedom..." Yes, a truly profound truth indeed. The day I finally learned how to lose everything was the day I finally found who I truly was and what I truly am. I am His.
